


Ben

by obidalanetwork_archivist



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Complete, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-11
Updated: 2008-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:48:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26218135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obidalanetwork_archivist/pseuds/obidalanetwork_archivist
Summary: Padmé's tale of her changing relationship with a boy her father brought home after a mission on Gala. An AU where ObiWan never completed the Jedi training for he was mindwiped and believed dead after Jedi Apprentice 3
Kudos: 1
Collections: Obidala Network





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Nadia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Obidala Network](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Obidala_Network) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2020. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Obidala Network’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/obidalanetwork/profile).

Chapter 1

BEN

BROTHER, FRIEND, HUSBAND

The first time I met Ben, he was about fourteen and I was three.

I don’t remember much of those times, except for the fact that one day a boy with short ginger hair, blue eyes and a sweet smile arrived at my house, and become the older brother my sister Sola and I had always wished for.

It had been my father who took him home after returning from a long trip on a planet called Gala, where he had been sent on a mission by the government of Naboo.

These days, my father is happy to be just a builder and university teacher, but in his youth he belonged to a group of selected people trained to observe and report certain situations. In other words, he was a spy, and a good one.

On that particular occasion, Father had been sent to observe the situation on Gala because a war was brewing between the peaceful natives and a foreign based mining company that was taking advantage of them and their planet’s resources. This mining company was trying to take hold of Naboo’s mines too, and that was the reason my father had been sent to monitor the situation on Gala. He had been there for some time when the war broke out and he found Ben.

Father said to my mother that he had found the boy all alone in the middle of nowhere, hungry, dirty, dressed in torn clothes and victim of amnesia. Father had taken the youngster inside his ship, feeding him and tending to him, while he tried to find out who he was and what had happened to him, but his research was hindered by the need to keep his presence on Gala secret.

He tried to locate the boy’s parents by checking the Holonet news to see if some family was looking for their missing child, but he found nothing. So, when the time to return to Naboo came, Father took Ben –- as he had started to call him –- with him, deciding he could not leave the unfortunate boy all alone on Gala.

As I said before, I was just a child when Ben arrived, but I remember hearing Mother and Father discuss about what to do with the boy, until they agreed to keep him with us, for they had gotten attached to him-- and he to them.

Ben was a very loving boy, reserved, but generous and kind, and Sola and I loved him from the beginning. He had a sunny personality and could be very funny, but sometime he got silent, sad and solitary.

Now that I am older I can only imagine in what kind of anguish he must have lived, having no memory of his previous life and not knowing who he was and where he came from. In truth I think it is a testament to his inner balance and my parents’ care that he was able to grow up without being somehow mentally or emotionally disturbed.

Ben went to the diplomatic school as I would later do, and when he was old enough, he attended the Academy to become a security officer as Father. It was a good choice for him, for he always had a peculiar ability to sense danger before it happened and to perceive the mood of the persons surrounding him; sometimes he was even able to know what they were thinking. Given the gifts he seemed to possess, he could have made a great politician, for at school he had excelled in the negotiations and mediation class, but he was too active to be chained to a desk and he hated the social gatherings.

One day, several years after Ben’s arrival, while I was checking the records of the Senatorial Library on Coruscant I was able to access via computer, I stumbled across a book dedicated to the Jedi Knights Order. The essay was not very well researched and did not explain how the Jedi obtained their almost legendary powers, but a detail caught my attention, and it was a picture of a so called “Padawan learner”, a Jedi in training. The photo showed a young boy in tunic and robe, with is hair cropped short except for a thin, long braid near his right ear.

The boy in the picture had the same hair cut Ben had sported when Father had found him.

The same braid Ben still wore-- the symbol of the life he had lived but did not remember.

A more extensive research about the Jedi’s powers confirmed the idea I had been forming. Jedi Knights were said to be able to read minds, to know when something was going to happen before it actually did, to perceive dangers and to move objects with their thought.

Ben also had been able to do the last thing, even if he had refrained from doing it since the time he had dropped one of Mother’s precious crystal glasses on the floor.

For a long time I pondered about the wisdom of telling Ben what I had discovered. On one hand, I thought he had the right to know. On the other, I was afraid he would leave us to join the Jedi Order on Coruscant.

Before I could make up my mind, an event happened to change my life forever: I was elected queen of Naboo.

My first act as Queen Amidala was to nominate my older brother, Ben Naberrie, chief of my security forces for, even if he was just twenty-four, there was no one I trusted more.

I never told him what I had discovered about the Jedi, for now more than ever I needed him-- his advice, his calm presence, his sense of humour-- near me.

It was selfish, I agree, and ultimately useless, because when the Trade Federation created a blockade around Naboo, one Jedi was sent to negotiate the situation, and there was no way I could avoid a meeting between him and Ben.

§§§§§

The Trade Federation blockade was completely and totally unexpected. Naboo had always kept good relations with the Federation, and we could not envision that they would choose us to manifest their resentment against the taxation of trade routes to outlaying star systems decided by the Republic. We were small, out of hand, unimportant, certainly not a primary target for this kind of protest.

The blockade was the most serious threat Naboo had faced since peace had been made with the Gungans, two hundred years before, and it happened less than one year after my election.

The situation degenerated quickly, for all the ships carrying food and supplies to and from the planet were stopped, and I soon realized I needed the help of the Republic to find a solution. But while the Senate debated endlessly about the matter, the Supreme Chancellor informed me he would send an ambassador to mediate the dispute. I thanked him and began to wait, hoping he would arrive soon.

Since the beginning of the crisis my advisors had suggested I trade places with one of my handmaidens, five girls chosen for their likeness to me, and trained to be my companions, aides and bodyguards, and to act as my decoy when necessary-- as it was now. So I trusted my friend Sabé with the throne, elaborate dresses, hairdo and make up of Queen Amidala to return to be just Padmé.

That’s why I was sitting in a corner of my personal study when the news arrived the Federation had begun to invade Naboo with an army of battle droids, and I was grateful for the silent support and comfort Ben gave me by walking behind my chair and posing his hands on my shoulders, squeezing gently. I turned and raised my head to look at him, and give him a tight smile.

While not being very tall or muscled, Ben had grown up being a perfect fighter, cunning, smart and agile. He kept his hair in a short, spiky military cut, except for the now waist-long braid near his right ear. His burgundy and dark blue uniform complemented his tanned, healthy complexion and his eyes-- oh his eyes! Even in that difficult moment I could not help to think how handsome he was, and how well I could understand why my handmaidens were all mooning after him.

Unfortunately for them, he was completely blind to them, probably because he believed them to be too young.

Here on Naboo, people mature quicker than on other planets, and we are considered adult by the time we reach the fourteenth year of age, but it had not been the same for Ben and he had the tendency to see me and my companions as girls.

As I was looking at him our eyes communicated and he murmured, “Don’t be afraid Padmé, I will protect you.”

“I am not afraid for myself,” I whispered back as we heard explosions echo closer in the palace, while more troops landed in the streets of Theed, “but for my people... and for you. Please promise me you won’t risk your life in some heroic stunt.” I knew Ben was a courageous, determined warrior, who would do anything for me, but I could not bear the thought of him being wounded or worse.

“I promise, my Queen,” he answered with a small smile, before his eyes darkened and he removed his hands from my shoulders. “They are here,” he added, aiming his blaster at the entry of the room.

I swallowed hard and exchanged a nod with Sabé before the door slid open and the study was filled with battle droids.

My eyes rushed to meet Ben’s with a pleading look, and he nodded just once, ordering his men to put down their weapons.

Nute Gunray, the Trade Federation Viceroy entered the room, smiling. “So we finally meet, Queen Amidala. I look forward to a satisfactory collaboration between us.”

Governor Bibble stood up and faced him. “Collaboration? There won’t be any collaboration between Naboo and the Federation. This is an invasion! How will you explain it to the Senate?”

“The Naboo and the Federation will forge a treaty that will legitimize our occupation here. I have been assured it will be ratified by the Senate.”

“I will not co-operate,” Sabé announced, following the line of action we had decided before we traded places.

“Now, now, your Highness,” Gunray said in a calm tone, “you are not going to like what we have in

store for your people. In time, their suffering will persuade you to see our point of view.” He turned to face a droid and added, “Commander, process them.”

“Yes, sir!” The droid turned to another and ordered, “Take them to Camp Four.”

We were marched out of the palace and down in the streets, and everywhere I could see droids gathering and taking away citizens, uncaring of the children’s cries and the pleading glances of their parents.

Ben was always near me during the trip to the detention camp, his presence soothing and reassuring, and I could see he was scanning the area, trying to find a way to free us. Then, suddenly, as we were crossing a square his head whipped up to stare at a walkway above the street. I had barely the time to wonder what he had seen or sensed when two persons jumped down from a balcony, blocking our group.

One of the newcomers was a Gungan, the other was a human, dressed in tunics and robes, and I found his attire familiar, but it was only when he ignited a lightsabre that I understood what he was.

A Jedi Knight.

The battle droids were instantly cut down in an amazing show of speed and accuracy, until none was left standing. Then the Jedi, a tall man with leonine features, long salt and pepper hair, and a well trimmed beard, walked near Sabé and said, “Your Highness, I am Master Qui-Gon Jinn, the Ambassador for the Supreme Chancellor.”

“Your negotiations seem to have failed, Ambassador,” commented Sio Bibble with a bit of irony.

“The negotiations never took place. Your Highness, we must make contact with the Republic.”

Ben stepped forward and said, “They have knocked out all our communications.”

“Do you have transports?” enquired the Jedi.

Ben nodded, “In the main hangar. This way.”

As Ben led the way, guiding us to the hangar, I noticed the strange way he looked at the Jedi, and a shiver ran along my spine. Was he remembering his past life?

I had no time to muse more about the matter because I was required to make the decision whether to leave the planet to present our case to the Senate on Coruscant. It was not easy for me to choose to leave my people behind, but we needed help and I could not obtain it by remaining Naboo.

Our escape was not easy. First we had to free the pilots and the crew, held prisoners by droids, which was accomplished by Qui-Gon, Ben and his men. Then we had to force the blockade, something we were able to do, but not before having been damaged in such a severe way there was not enough power to get us to Coruscant.

“We will have to land somewhere to refuel and repair the ship,” Qui-Gon said once he heard the pilot’s report about the ship’s condition. He studied a star chart on a monitor and added, “Here. Tatooine... It is small, out of the way, poor... The Trade Federation has no presence there.”

“How can you be sure?” asked Ben, looking at the monitor.

“It is controlled by the Hutts...”

“The Hutts?” Ben repeated, unbelieving.

“It is risky, but there is no alternative.”

“You cannot take Her Royal Highness there! The Hutts are gangsters... If they discovered her...” Ben was almost sputtering.

“It would be no different than if we landed on a system controlled by the Federation-- except the Hutts are not looking for her, which gives us an advantage.” Qui-Gon answered with calm and Ben took a deep breath in frustration, for he knew that, no matter how much he did not like it, the Jedi was right.

Afterward Sabé and three handmaidens retired in the royal quarters, while I and Sache stayed in the main room, together with Qui-Gon and Ben. My heart was full of worry for my people and my family, but not so much to blind me to the way the two men subtly observed each other. I was sitting at Ben’s right side, so I could not see his expression well, but I had a clear view of the Jedi. He had tucked his arms in the large sleeves of his robe and was studying Ben with interest, his eyes often stopping on the braid my adoptive brother was twisting around his finger, something he often did when he was nervous or worried. He did it subconsciously, and was always embarrassed if someone pointed it out to him, but I had never teased him about his little mania, for I thought it might be his way to feel close to his previous life. The life, I was sure, where he had been a Jedi apprentice.

Qui-Gon had recognized the braid for what it was, and even if his face was unreadable, his eyes betrayed him. He was full questions-- as was Ben. As was I.

However, it was not the time to get answers, for we soon entered in Tatooine’s orbit and prepared to land.

§

Qui-Gon ordered the pilot to land near the outskirts of what looked like a spaceport, as we did not want to attract any attention.

I stood by a window while the Jedi master prepared for his trek to the settlement, stressing the need not to try to communicate with Naboo, and looked outside. The desert stretched all around us, yellow and plain, so different from the green forests and blue lakes I was used to. It was the first time I had left my home planet and I felt intrigued by Tatooine and by the people making a living in that inhospitable environment. I did not wish to stay inside the ship waiting for the Jedi master to return with the replacements parts. I wanted to go with him and Jar-Jar Binks, the funny, clumsy Gungan that followed Qui-Gon everywhere.

“I wish to go with them,” I told Ben as we stood at the top of the ship ramp, watching the two figures becoming smaller.

“What? Are you out of your mind?” Ben exclaimed.

“No, I am not. I want to see more of the planet and visit the spaceport. Take me to them.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed and I saw him bite back a retort, but he knew me well enough to be aware I had talked to him as his queen, not as his little sister.

He curtly nodded and accompanied me until we caught up with Qui-Gon and Jar-Jar.

“Wait!” Ben called to stop the pair, then added, “Her Highness commands you to take her handmaiden Padmé with you. She wishes for her to observe the local-”

“No more commands from Her Highness today, Captain,” Qui-Gon interjected. “This spaceport is not going to be pleasant.”

“The Queen wishes it. She is curious about this planet,” Ben insisted, and I backed him.

“I have been trained in defence; I can take care of myself.”

“Don't make me go back and tell her you refuse,” Ben concluded, and Qui-Gon finally capitulated.

“I don't have time to argue. But this is not a good idea. Stay close to me.”

He gave me a stern look, and started walking again. I followed him, but not before throwing a glance at Ben who, as chief of security, could not come with us but remain at the ship protecting the “queen”.

“Be careful,” he mouthed at me, worry clear in his blue eyes.

“I will,” I replied, before speeding up my pace to fell in step at Qui-Gon’s side.

We had covered just a few yards when the Jedi slowed down his gait and said, “May I ask you something, handmaiden Padmé?”

“Sure, Master Qui-Gon.”

“Have you known Captain Naberrie for long?”

I believe I paled when I realized where this conversation would be heading, but I decided to be honest with the man and tell him all the truth, in the hope of discovering something about Ben’s past.

“Yes, I have known him since he was a boy. He is the Queen’s brother.”

“Her brother?” Qui-Gon arched an eyebrow, and I had the distinctive sensation he thought it was impossible for Ben to be my brother.

“Well, adoptive brother. He was adopted by the Naberries when he was a teenager.”

“Ah.” Qui-Gon was silent for a while, then asked, “What happened to his real family?”

“I don’t know,” I answered in all sincerity. “The Queen’s father found him all alone and without memories on a planet called Gala.”

“Gala?” Qui-Gon seemed to pause in mid-stride. “It cannot be...” I heard him murmur.

“What cannot be?” I enquired and when I got no answer I pressed, “Ben was a Jedi, was he not?”

Qui-Gon stared at me hard as he came to an halt. “How do you know? How can you say it?”

“His braid. I have seen a picture of a Jedi apprentice once -- he sported the same hair cut as Ben’s when he was found, and the Queen’s brother has never cut his braid because it is a memory of his past life. I also know he possesses …strange powers.”

Qui-Gon slowly nodded. “You are right, Padmé. Ben as you call him, was indeed a Padawan learner. My Padawan.” His voice was soft, the eyes lost in memories.

“What!” I could not contain my surprise. Of all the Jedi they could have sent, was it possible they had chosen Ben’s former master? “Your Padawan?”

“Yes. I was his master. Twelve years ago we were on Gala to mediate a crisis, but he was captured and mind-wiped by people that did not want us to meddle in their affairs. Our bond –- the mental link between a master and his apprentice –- was erased by the mind-wipe, and I completely lost track of Obi- ...of Ben. When the situation precipitated and war broke out on Gala. I remained there for several more days, searching for my Padawan, but I never found him.” Qui-Gon took a deep breath, and his eyes filled with sadness. “In the end, I left the planet, believing he had been killed during the war-- something for which I never forgave myself.”

The tall man fell silent, but his face could not mask the pain and the guilt he had suffered so many years before-- a wound that was still open, even if he now knew the boy he had obviously loved very much was alive and well.

Father, of course, had done what he thought was right when he had taken Ben with him and away from a war zone, but now, for the first time, I questioned his actions after he had returned to Naboo.

Why had he not sent a picture of Ben to the Republic Holonet and searched more for the boy’s family? Why had he been so quick to adopt Ben? Was it because he knew Mother could not bear more children after my difficult birth? Because he desired a son so much he could not pass up the chance this unclaimed boy offered him?

Whatever the answer, what was done, was done. We could not change the past, just move forward.

Qui-Gon and I reprised our walk, moving fast to catch up with Jar-Jar who, distracted as he was, had not noticed we had stopped and was now several yards in front of us.

We had almost arrived to the spaceport when a question popped in my mind.

“Master Qui-Gon?”

“Yes?”

“May I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“What is Ben’s true name?”

Qui-Gon looked briefly at the dunes surrounding us, then whispered, almost in reverence. “His name is Obi-Wan Kenobi.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padm's tale of her changing relationship with a boy her father brought home after a mission on Gala. An AU where ObiWan never completed the Jedi training for he was mindwiped and believed dead after Jedi Apprentice 3

Chapter 2

Our stay in the spaceport was brief and uneventful.

We found a dealer selling the spare parts we needed, we bought them and returned to the ship.

As the reparations progressed I retreated into my rooms, soon to be joined by Ben.

“Are you all right?” he asked, kneeling in front of the armchair I was sitting on. “You are pale.”

“I listened to a message from Governor Bibble,” I answered, raising my anguished eyes to look into his own. “Our people are suffering, Ben, and I feel so powerless and guilty because I should be there with them...”

“No, you must not feel so,” he took my hands in his much broader ones and waited until I raised my head to meet his clear gaze. “You did the right thing, Padmé. Being closed in a detention camp would not help Naboo. We need to fight now-- not with an army we don’t have, but with the words. We need the Republic’s help and we need you to be at your best to ask for it.”

“You are right, Ben,” I smiled weakly at him. “Thank you for helping me to put things in perspective.”

He tried to let go of my hands to wave my words away, but I prevented him from doing it by tightening my grip on his fingers.

“Ben, I have something to tell you.” He tilted his head at my serious tone. “Master Qui-Gon has asked many questions about you during our trek to the spaceport.”

His eyes narrowed. “What questions?”

“He wished to know how long I have known you, and once he learned you have been adopted, he enquired from where you came and...”

“And?”

“Ben, he said he knew you...He said you were a young Jedi in training when your mind was wiped of your memory on Gala. He said- he said he was your master.”

Ben’s eyes widened but he did not look as surprised as I thought he would be upon hearing such news. He glanced at me pensively and murmured, “From the first moment I saw Master Qui-Gon, I have had the strange feeling he is somehow familiar, as if I have already met him somewhere...Now I know why I feel like this.” The last words were barely audible.

I squeezed his hands and I looked anxiously at his face. “How are you feeling?”

He smiled weakly. “I don’t know how I am feeling. A part of me is happy to have finally met someone that knows who I used to be. The other instead is scared of what I might learn. I am afraid to discover what I lost...the people I loved and left behind, mourning me...”

“It was not your fault. Qui-Gon said you were captured and mind-wiped. A boy of thirteen years! What could you have done?”

“I know, I know- but you are aware I have the tendency to feel responsible for everything.”

“Yes, I know,” I murmured, caressing his hair, as my heart swelled with tenderness. He was such a sensitive young man-- the best brother and friend a woman could ask for.

Ben smiled at me and said softly, “Remember that no matter what I might discover, you and our family will always come first in my heart.”

“I love you!” I exclaimed full of emotion, throwing my arms around him, kissing his cheek, before burying my nose in his neck as I hugged him hard.

Ben tensed when my nose nuzzled his skin, before he hesitatingly wrapped his arms around my back and returned my embrace.

With the knowledge of future events, I can now say that was the first time I noticed something was changing between Ben and me, for his reaction to my actions was unusual, but back then I was too overwhelmed by situation we were in to realize it.

§

Once we arrived on Coruscant, we met with Chacellor Valorum and with the Senator of Naboo, Palpatine, who briefed me on what was happening in the Senate.

Afterward Ben escorted me to the apartment assigned to our party, waited until we were settled, then left me under his second in command’s care and went away with Qui-Gon.

I knew the two of them had talked back on the ship, even if Ben had not told me what they had said, thus I thought he might have gone to the Jedi Temple.

When he returned home, several hours later, Ben was rather subdued and pensive. He slumped on the couch near the one were I was sitting, checking the notes I had made to prepare the speech I would have to hold in front of the Senate the next day, and simply stood there, staring at the buildings and the passing speeders outside the window.

“My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi,” he said after a while, speaking more to himself than to me. “I was born twenty-five years ago on Coruscant, and lived at the Jedi Temple, until I was thirteen and went missing on Gala.”

I swallowed hard and asked softly, “Was it hard? Visit the Temple, I mean.”

Ben’s eyes locked with mine as he shook his head. “No, it was a pleasant trip. I have never sensed so much peace around myself as today, and I was at ease there, even when Qui-Gon took me in front of the Council and they asked me to let them probe my mind to see if I really was the long lost Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“Probe your mind?” I was appalled by what the Jedi masters had done. They had probed his mind after what he had suffered?

“Yes, but it was not painful or unpleasant. I just felt a tickle in my mind-- and warmth.”

“And what- what did they find?”

“The scars left by the mind-wipe, and the broken thread of the training bond I used to share with Qui-Gon.”

“Oh.”

Ben’s expression was far away, his voice soft when he added, “Never before I have ever felt such a sense of belonging as in the moment a small master called Yoda has confirmed my identity and asked me if I would like to join the Jedi Order again.”

“What!” I exclaimed, sitting straighter on the couch, the surprise in my tone covering the pain caused by his comment about his sense of belonging. We had been his family for twelve years and yet we had not been enough for him... “And what did you answer to him?” I asked, suddenly dreading his reply.

“I told him I was honoured by his offer, but that at the moment my greatest concerns are you and your safety. I will think about it only after Naboo has been freed.” Ben smiled and leant forward, caressing my cheek with his warm hand. “I won’t leave you now, Padmé.”

I nodded, even if my heart twisted in my chest. I was certain that before discovering his past, he would have said ‘I will never leave you’, while now the ‘never’ had been replace by a ‘now’. And I knew, with the same certainty, that when the crisis would be resolved, Ben would leave me, our family and Naboo, to join the Jedi Order.

§

We returned to Naboo the same day I moved for a vote of no confidence in Chancellor Valorum's leadership on Senator Palpatine’s advice, and from that moment on the events seemed to speed up.

The alliance with the Gungans, the battle against the droid army in the grass plains, the destruction of the droid control ship, the fight inside the palace, the capture of Nute Gunray-- everything is but a blur, except for...except for the duel in the palace generator pit, which will always be etched in my memories. The duel that signed Ben’s destiny, or so I was led to think.

After we secured the palace, I saw Ben run away from the throne room and, without pondering the rashness of my actions, I followed him.

“Where are you going?” I asked, as we ran along the seemingly endless corridors of the palace.

“Qui-Gon needs help,” Ben answered, turning his head to briefly look at me from atop his shoulder. “Stay here, it might be dangerous.”

I did not listen to him, but kept running at his heels. “How do you know he needs help?” I wanted to ask him, but I did not, for I already knew the answer.

Ben had sensed it thanks to his powers. He knew the Jedi master was in trouble in the same way he knew where to find him- in that damned power generation pit.

When we arrived there, we stopped cold at the entry.

Qui-Gon was fighting against a... creature as I have never seen before or after. He was dressed in dark robes, with a bald head covered by short horns, yellow eyes and a face tattooed in red and black. . He fought with a red double-bladed lightsabre, and I screamed when he almost slashed Qui-Gon’s chest.

The creature did not mind me, but kept on attacking the Jedi master. It was then Ben aimed his blaster and fired, but the red-black demon deflected the beams with his double sabre. Then he made a gesture with his hand and sent Ben to slam against a wall.

“Ben!” I cried, rushing to his side, my hands touching him everywhere to be sure he was well.

“Are you hurt?” I asked.

“Only in my pride,” he growled. “I have never missed a target before.” His tone tore a smile from my lips, but it lasted only a moment, for Ben stood up and ran to retrieve the blaster he had lost in his fall.

He tried to fire again, but Qui-Gon and the creature were now fighting very close to each other, turning and changing position so quickly it was impossible to have a clear aim.

“Stay here,” Ben ordered, before advancing slowly in the room, trying to get closer to the duelling men, as Qui-Gon scored a small victory by breaking his opponent’s weapon in two. But the Jedi master’s advantage was brief for he committed a mistake and his enemy wounded him first to the arm, then to his leg.

Qui-Gon fell on the ground, as the red-black demon kicked away his lightsabre.

I felt a shiver when the dark creature smiled maliciously at the powerless Jedi at his feet, before he raised his blade and prepared to finish the other man.

I screamed when the red blade was lowered, but I had forgotten Ben. He fired his blaster and hit the dark figure at the arm, causing him to miss Qui-Gon. The creature growled, a ferocious glare in his yellow eyes. Ben fired again with the blaster, but this time the beam was deflected and sent back against him. He had barely the time to throw himself to the ground to avoid being hit squarely in the chest.

The creature advanced toward Ben as he hurriedly backed away, until he reached the wall and had no more room to go.

In that precise moment a voice echoed in the place. “Use this, Obi-Wan.”

Qui-Gon had managed to retrieve his lost lightsabre and threw it to Ben with a perfect aim. I watched in rapt fascination as the metallic handle drew an arch in the air and landed in Ben’s outstretched hand. He ignited the weapon at once, using it to deflect the blow directed to his neck, before trying to slash the creature’s legs.

The tattooed demon flipped backward and Ben scrambled to his feet, lightsabre in hand.

The two opponents started to move on the side in a circle, studying each other. The creature smiled evilly, certain Ben would be no match for him, but I thought differently. At the academy, Ben had excelled in the “Ancient weapons and warfare techniques” class, and I was aware swords and sabres had been among the weapons he had been trained to use. However, when the fight began, even I was surprised by how quickly Ben moved and by how many skills he possessed. The duel was very fast and Ben seemed to gain even more confidence as it progressed, while Qui-Gon, who had managed to crawl near me, and I looked at him almost in awe.

It was clear the Jedi master had not expected such a display from his former apprentice, and I think I heard him murmur something like “This is incredible...Yoda is right, he is the One.”

I wanted to ask him what it meant, but I soon forgot for, after what had seemed an eternity, Ben slashed the creature’s chest, practically cutting him in two pieces.

The red-black demon fell in the melting pit and Ben switched off the lightsabre. He was breathing hard and trembling, the fatigue of the duel closing fast on him. He slowly walked to where Qui-Gon and I were and I lost no time going to him, kissing him on both cheeks before hugging him.

“You were amazing,” I murmured in his ear, “My hero.”

I felt him shake, and when I pressed closer to him, afraid he might collapse for exhaustion, I sensed something hard poke my belly.

“What...?” I looked up at him and found the answer to my unspoken question in his crimson face.

“Oh...” I uttered, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment, for once without words.

I had read somewhere men could become aroused during a dangerous situation, but it was very...weird...to have Ben’shardness pressed against my belly. Weird and unsettling.

Still speechless, unable to look him in the eye and hoping the ground would open to swallow me, I was saved from my predicament by Ben.

“What was that?” He asked to Qui-Gon, tilting his head to indicate the melting pit.

“I believe he was a Sith Lord, Obi-Wan, a Force sensitive trained to use the Dark Side as much as the Jedi are trained to use the Light Side. I will have to report this to the Council, for we thought the Sith extinct. Their reappearance is very worrying.”

Ben nodded, pensive.

“Obi-Wan?” said Qui-Gon after a brief silence.

“Yes?” I felt a pang at the quickness with which Ben had started to answer to his old name-- to his real name.

“Where did you learn to use a sword?”

Ben lowered himself to sit near his former teacher and answered, “At the Academy, here on Naboo.”

“You are an excellent fighter. I am impressed by your skills.”

Ben ducked his head, his usual modesty coming up. “I just let my instinct guide me. I hardly think when I am engaged in a sword duel. It is like my body knows what to do without the need to command it.”

“That’s the Force working, Obi-Wan. It is very powerful in you, so powerful that you have amazing skills even without having completed your Jedi training. I think you should accept Master Yoda’s offer and join the order. We need people like you.”

I withheld my breath as I waited for Ben’s reply, although I was sure to know what his answer would be.

“I don’t know, Master Jinn. When I was in the Temple, I read the Order’s Code and I know Jedi must avoid being ruled by emotions, especially the negative ones. But I have experienced them-- more than once. I am used to every kind of emotions, both positive and negative.”

Qui-Gon nodded. “What you say is true, but you are not slave to them. Even when you were fighting, you did not give yourself to anger or fear. I am sure that with the appropriate training you would be able to control all of them.”

Ben was silent for a while, but I could see he was pondering what he had been told. He looked at me several times, and the last time he did so, it seemed like he was about to ask for my forgiveness.

“Would you train me, Master, should I decide return to the Temple?”

“I would be honoured to do it, Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon answered, bowing his head.

Ben looked at me another time, and I knew he had made his decision.

“I will accept Master Yoda’s offer, then. I will return to be a Jedi.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padm's tale of her changing relationship with a boy her father brought home after a mission on Gala. An AU where ObiWan never completed the Jedi training for he was mindwiped and believed dead after Jedi Apprentice 3

Chapter 3

Ben left Naboo a week later, with his new master and the Jedi Council members that had come to examine what was left of the dark creature killed in the power generation pit.

Mother, Father, Sola and I went to salute him, and while he tried hard to control himself, he could not prevent his tears from falling. If Qui-Gon and the other masters noticed it, they chose not to acknowledge it-- and in truth I don’t think Ben would have cared if they did. He might have decided to become a Jedi, but we had been his family for twelve years, and leaving us was as hard for him as it was for us to let him go.

Mother had been devastated by Ben’s decision, for she thought the Order would turn her boy in an unemotional being, but she relented a bit after she spent some time with Qui-Gon and saw he was far from emotionless. Although not completely convinced, she finally understood Ben’s destiny was not to spend all his life on Naboo. He had been born with a gift and it was right for him to explore and learn how to bring it to its full potential.

As for myself, I tried to look strong and in command of myself, as a queen was supposed to be, but I failed as miserably as Ben.

Our parting hug almost squeezed all the breath out of me, but in that moment I thought I would have died happy because I was in Ben’s arms- the place where I would often long to be in the next ten years.

§

Yes, ten years. That was the time Ben and I spent apart. Ten long years.

Many things changed during that time. I completed two terms as queen, and had the Naboo had their way, I would probably still sit on the throne, for they wished to amend the constitution to make my reign continue.

I was touched by the people’s love and appreciation, but I was tired of politics, and only wished to retire to private life-- or so I thought.

In reality, I got so bored after six months of doing nothing that when Queen Jamilla asked me to serve as Senator I almost embraced her.

As senator, I travelled often to Coruscant, but Ben and I never met there. I tried to contact him several times at the Temple, but I was always told he was not there but on mission on some planet with Qui-Gon.

Things were changing, and not for good in the galaxy, with the rise of the Separatist Party, and the Jedi were sent everywhere to mediate the most critical situations- but the knights were too few, and certain parties in the Rupublic were pressuring Chancellor Palpatine to create a Republican army to help the Jedi.

The other senators and I, instead, opposed the creation of an army because we thought it would bring to an escalation of the tension between the Republic and the Separatists, led by a certain Count Dooku.

To add considerably to my tension, I was victim of two life attempts on Naboo, and it was with a soul full of worries that I returned to Coruscant to participate in one of the final meetings before the vote regarding the creation of the army...

It was exactly ten years since the day Ben and I had embraced for the last time in the main hangar on Theed.

§§§§§

My sojourn on Coruscant began in the worst possible way: the ramp of the ship on which I was supposed to fly exploded as soon as Cordé, one of my bodyguards acting as a decoy, put a foot on it. She died in my arms, apologizing for something, while it was I that should have asked her forgiveness.

Even if I was very shaken, I still went on with my duty, for I owed it to Cordé, and I held my scheduled speech in the Senate, trying to make my party’s concerns clear. To my great frustration the vote was postponed due to the late hour and, as I was leaving the building, I received a message from Chancellor Palpatine, asking some of the leaders of the loyalist party to join him in his office.

When we arrived there we found Palpatine discussing with some Jedi masters, two of them I recognized, for they had come on Naboo years before.

“With you the force is strong...young Senator. To see you alive brings warm feeling to my heart,” Master Yoda greeted me, in his peculiar way of talking. He was small and green, but I remembered Qui-Gon saying he was one of the greatest masters the Jedi Order had ever produced.

“Thank you, Master Yoda. Do you have any idea who was behind the attack?” I asked, as I sat on the chair indicated by Palpatine.

“Our intelligence points to disgruntled spice miners, on the moons of Naboo,” answered Master Windu instead, a big man with dark skin.

“I don't wish to disagree but I think that Count Dooku was behind it,” I replied.

There is a stir of surprise among the Jedi in the room.

“You know, My Lady, Count Dooku was once a Jedi. He would not assassinate anyone, it is not in his character,” Master Windu explained.

“He is a political idealist, not a murderer,” added another Jedi master.

“In dark times nothing is what it appears to be, but the fact remains Senator, in grave danger you are,” was Yoda’s comment.

“Count Dooku has always avoided any kind of conflict,” interjected Palpatine. “It appears he has no desire to start a war. Why would he kill you? To what end?”

“I don't know,” I was forced to admit, “but everything in my being tells me he was behind it...” I concluded with an hint of stubbornness.

Palpatine sighed and after giving me another look said, “Master Jedi, may I suggest that the Senator be placed under the protection of your graces.”

“Do you think that is a wise use of manpower during these stressful times?” interjected Bail Organa, the Senator of Alberaan. He was my closest ally in the battle against the creation of the army and a dear friend.

I agreed with him: I did not need more protection, and I thought the Jedi had more important things to do than watch over me. “Chancellor, if I may comment, I do not believe the-”

“-situation is that serious. No, but I do, Senator.” Palpatine cut me off, and I almost glared at him.

“Chancellor, please! I don't want any more guards!” It was already bad as it was-- Captain Tycho did not allow me to do anything alone!

“I realise all too well that additional security might be disruptive for you, but perhaps someone you are familiar with... two old friends... Master Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi...”

The mere mention of Ben’s name was enough to silence all the protests I had wanted to voice.

Ben!

I had missed him so much during those long ten years.

I had missed the warmth of his personality, his gentle concern, his comforting presence, his humour and the strength of his embraces.

I had missed my brother, my friend, my confident.

Of course, we had heard from each other, and he had also kept in contact with the rest of the family, but not as much as we would have wished.

It had turned out the Jedi Code forbade personal attachment, and Ben had been encouraged to keep his contacts with us as infrequent as possible.

Mother, of course, had not taken it well and had started a tirade against the “unfeeling Jedi”, while Father, Sola and I had forced ourselves to swallow our disappointment, for we knew the burdens duty carried with it.

However, the fact that I had accepted it better than my mother had not meant that a single day had passed without me thinking about Ben or wondering about his well-being.

I had missed him more than I could express and I almost jumped with joy when Master Windu confirmed that both Qui-Gon and Ben were on Coruscant.

Having them guarding me was like taking a step back in time

§

I will remember for the rest of my life the first time I posed my eyes on Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight. It was a bright afternoon and the sky I could see from my apartment’s window was as blue as Ben’s eyes.

He arrived at my residence with Qui-Gon, and my heart started to run when I saw him.

Time had been kind with him. He had matured in a handsome, strong looking man, but he retained some of his boyish charm, especially when he smiled, and sometimes he looked younger than his thirty-five years.

His hair was longer than it used to be, ginger coloured with copper hues. His jaw and dimpled chin was covered by a well-trimmed reddish beard that looked very soft. He wore the typical Jedi attire: beige tunic and pants, a brown robe, and leather boots.

He looked almost regal, and I was so taken by his appearance I missed part of Qui-Gon’s greeting, returning to reality only when he pronounced Ben’s name.

“...and this is Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, Senator.”

“Knight?” I wondered aloud and suddenly realized his braid was gone. “Knight!” I exclaimed, excited. “You did it! When did it happen? Why did not you tell us?”

“It happened-” The rest of Ben’s reply was muffled against my clothes, for I forgot all my senatorial behaviour and reserve, and threw my arms around his neck, embracing him.

He tensed for an instant then hugged me back.

“I missed you so much, Ben,” I whispered, before pressing my nose into his neck, as I had done many times in the past. My head almost span at the first sniff of his masculine scent-- a heady mix of cologne and his natural musk. Never before I had noticed he smelled so good-- in truth I had never been close to another man enough to smell him, so my experience was terribly limited. My private life had been non-existent in the previous ten years, for I have had neither the time nor the inclination for a romantic liaison.

I would only realize later, once my feelings surfaced for good, that I had compared every potential suitor to Ben-- and found them always lacking. But I did not know it back then, during that long awaited first meeting, and my joy of being again in my best friend’s company was not too disturbed by my reaction to the handsome man he had become.

When we separated, we found Qui-Gon looking at us with an amused, almost indulgent expression, and we both blushed at our lack of control.

“I guess you are happy to see me again, Padmé,” Ben said with a bit of irony in that cultured voice of his, “as much a I am happy to see you. You are a vision.” He winked to me and after a brief laugh we moved to the living room, where our talk became much more serious.

“Despite the fact I am so happy our paths have crossed again,” I began, as we sat down on couches around a low table, “I must warn you that I think your presence here is unnecessary.”

“I am sure the Jedi Council have their reasons,” commented Qui-Gon.

“Our presence will be invisible, Padmé,” Ben tried to reassure me, but he failed. Now more than ever it would be impossible for me to forget or ignore he was near me.

Captain Typho, who had been a young soldier when Ben was my chief of security, stepped near us, saluted his former commander and took part to the conversation, “I am very grateful you are here, Master Jinn and Knight Kenobi. The situation is more dangerous than the Senator will admit.”

Ben gave me a sharp look, as I waved Typho’s words away. “I don't need more security, I need answers. I want to know who is trying to kill me.”

“We are here to protect you Senator,” Qui-Gon tried to placate me, tucking his arms in the sleeves of his robe, “but also to start an investigation.”

Ben nodded at me with a slight smile, “We will find out who is trying to kill you Padmé, I promise you.”

“Is it really so?” I wanted to be sure.

Ben nodded, “Why else do you think we were assigned to you, if not to find the killer? Protection is a job for local security... not Jedi. Investigation is implied in our mandate.”

Finally reassured, I let out a breath I had not been aware I was withholding and relaxed against the back of my couch.

Ben was again near me, and with him at my side I was certain nothing bad would befall me.

§

Later that evening Qui-Gon went to talk with Captain Typho and Ben and I found ourselves alone for the first time in ten years.

“So,” I began, sitting on the couch with my legs and bare feet tucked underneath me, as Ben lowered on the divan in front of me, “you are now a Jedi Knight. When did it happen?”

“One year ago-- and it was about time. I have been, by far, the oldest Padawan ever recorded in the Jedi Order history.”

“Well, it may be so, but I dare to suggest no other Padawan ever had such an unconventional upbringing as you did.”

“That’s true.”

We smiled at each other, as I leant forward and took the pitcher resting on a low table, pouring two glasses of Alderaanian wine-- a gift from Bail Organa. “Here,” I said, handing a glass to Ben, “we need to make a toast...a belated celebration of your knighting.”

“Mother and Father will be very happy to know you have realized your goal,” I added after we drank. The wine was a strong, like liquid fire, but it was very good.

Ben’s face softened at the mention. “How are they?”

“They are well. Father is projecting a big commercial building in Theed, while Mother is all taken by her role of grandmother.”

“Grandmother?”

“Sola has married and has two children now... don’t tell me none of us informed you?” I was surprised. It was true our contacts with him had been scarce, but it was almost incredible none of us had thought about alerting Ben about the fact he was now an uncle.

His face was sad, as he shook his head. I was about to apologize, but he preceded me, commenting, “I can barely believe it. Sola I-don’t-want–to marry is now a mother. Truly the galaxy is full of wonders.”

“She changed her mind as soon as she laid her eyes on her future husband, a handsome engineer working with Father. Now she is a devoted family woman who would like nothing more but to turn me into another. She is always trying to fix me with some of her husband’s friends.”

“Does she succeed in her plans?” Ben asked after we shared a brief laugh, and there was no mirth in his tone.

“What? Oh no, she does not. I have no time, I am too busy.”

Ben nodded as he reached for his glass and sipped the wine, and I had the distinct impression he was relieved.

I too drank more of my wine, as I looked deeply into his eyes in the silence that followed. They were blue-grey-green, their colour changing with his emotions, as the waters of the lakes on Naboo do according with the weather. I could spend hours contemplating them and getting lost in their depth.

Staring at his handsome face made my hand twitch with the desire to caress his beard to see if it was as soft as it looked, and I desperately wanted to bury my hands in his hair and run my fingers through his blond-red locks.

My breath accelerated and my heartbeat thundered in my ears as we kept looking at each other, our pupils wide.

Slowly but inexorably, as if pulled by a mysterious force, we leaned forward. Our faces came so close I felt his warm breath fan my cheeks. I raised my shaking hand and caressed his beard, then closed my eyes in anticipation...Suddenly the door slid open and the spell cast over us was broken.

We slumped back against our respective couch, and exchanged a confused gaze, before turning to look at Qui-Gon.

“Everything is arranged for the night, My Lady. There are guards everywhere, and Obi-Wan and I will stay here, ready for any eventuality.”

I rose to my feet, imitated by Ben, and thanked Qui-Gon as I tried to regain the control of my shaking legs. “I think it is time I retire for the night; it has been a long day.”

“My Lady,” Ben and Qui-Gon bowed in salute and I left them, walking to my room with my still shaky legs.

Once inside, I locked the door and leant against it. I was glad I had dismissed my handmaidens early in the evening, for I was not in mood for their usual chit-chat as they readied me for bed.

This night I needed to be alone to ponder what had happened –- well, almost happened –- a few minutes before in the living room.

The pull of attraction between Ben and me had been undeniable and it had been a good thing Qui-Gon had arrived when he had, for I was not sure of how I would have reacted had we kissed as we clearly wanted to do.

What had happened?

How could I have felt like that for my brother?

But he is not really your brother, a voice commented inside me. You might have grown up with him, but there are no blood ties between you two.

“It does not matter,” I said aloud, “this is...scandalous all the same. He was adopted by my parents, grew up with me, played with me... I cannot feel like this for him. It is not moral.”

I sat down in front of my toilette table and started brushing my long, curly hair, an activity I had always found very soothing. It worked this time too, and by the time I went to bed, I had somehow decided to forget the whole episode. I told myself it had been my tiredness and the tension due to the failed attempt to my life and the postponed vote in the senate. I told myself I had been tipsy because of the strong wine I had been drinking, and not prepared to confront the handsome man Ben had become.

I told myself a bunch of lies, for I was not ready to admit and accept the truth.

I loved Ben-- and not as my brother.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padm's tale of her changing relationship with a boy her father brought home after a mission on Gala. An AU where ObiWan never completed the Jedi training for he was mindwiped and believed dead after Jedi Apprentice 3

Chapter 4

I did not sleep much that night- and not because of my troubled thoughts and emotions, but because someone tried to kill me again.

I had been dozing for half an hour, when I was abruptly awoken by Qui-Gon and Ben bursting in my room, lightsabre ignited. Ben leapt toward me and whacked in half two big worms that had crawled on my bed.

“What...BEN!” I started to say, but the question I had wanted to ask transformed into a scream when Ben rushed toward the window and jumped through crashing through the blinds as he grabbed onto a probe droid that had been observing what was happening in my room.

The machine sank under Ben’s weight but managed to stay afloat and fly away, with the Jedi hanging on for dear life, a hundred stories above the city.

Qui-Gon squeezed my shoulder. “Are you all right, My Lady?”

I had barely the time to nod, he rushed away from the room, shouting “Stay here!” as he disappeared and his place was taken by Dormé, Captain Typho and two security men.

I spent the next hours pacing back and forth the living room, deaf to my handmaiden’s advice to return to bed or at least sit down, until, just before dawn, Ben and Qui-Gon returned.

I ran to Ben in the atrium and I embraced him, touching his back and sides in search of injuries.

“Everything is all right, Padmé,” he whispered when I trembled because of my boiling emotions.

I stepped back from him and pressing a finger against his chest, I told him, “Don’t do that again! You scared me to death,” but it would have worked better had not I been shedding tears of relief.

“I cannot promise it,” Ben murmured, wiping my tears away with his long, delicate fingers. “You know I would do everything to protect you.”

I could only nod, as he took my hand and led me in the living room were the others were already gathered to discuss the situation and decide what to do next.

§

I was not happy at all when the Jedi Council and Chancellor Palpatine ordered me to retire on Naboo and stay hidden under Ben’s care, while Qui-Gon worked to discover who the bounty hunter was who had tried to assassinate me with the poisonous worms.

The idea of spending time alone with Ben was wonderful, but I was also scared by what had almost happen between us, and I thought it might turn into an unpleasant experience if we behaved awkwardly with each other.

I took out my confusion with a bout of anger directed to Palpatine and the Jedi Council, as I packed my suitcases under Ben’s watchful eyes.

“I do not like this idea of hiding,” I repeated for the tenth time as I folded one of my dresses.

“Don't worry,” Ben tried to soothe me, “It won't take Master Qui-Gon long to find that bounty hunter.”

I shook my head in frustration. “I haven't worked for a year to defeat the "Military Creation Act"

not to be here when its fate is decided.”

“I know,” answered Ben. “But sometimes we have to do what is requested of us. You have fought valiantly not to let that act pass, but now you can do nothing more, for the various delegations have already made up their minds. Now your duty is to stay alive and safe, so to be able to fight another important battle when the time will come.”

He was right, of course. I was behaving like a petulant child, and it was not in my character.

I threw him a grateful glance, but I regretted doing so, for all my concerns about spending time alone with him resurfaced as I took in his look.

Since we were going to travel to Naboo on a civil transport, Ben had discarded his Jedi clothes for a dark blue shirt and a pair of black trousers-- a casual attire that evidenced his physique, instead of hiding it as the loose tunics and robe he usually wore did.

He had looked regal in his Jedi uniform, but now he was simply stunning and I had to force my eyes away from the tantalizing patch of chest hair visible from his open up shirt.

As I closed down the last of my suitcases, I took a deep calming breath. It was indeed going to be a long trip- a very long one.

§

The journey to Naboo was quiet and uneventful.

Ben and I acted like two good friends, talking and laughing, and playing board games to keep us entertained. He told me about his life as a Jedi and the practice used by the Knights to get in communion with the Force, and I told him about my work in some Senate committees.

We did not touch too personal topics during our talks, and after a while I started to relax, thinking that our time together would not be the disaster I was afraid it could be.

Oh, I was still acutely aware of his masculine presence, and my feelings for him were as confused as ever, but least I was able to act naturally around him...The last thing I wanted – or needed- was to create tension between us.

§

Once we arrived in Theed we paid a visit to Queen Jamilla, to inform her of the situation and my decision to hide in a villa our family owned in the Lake Country.

Then we stored our luggage on a speeder and, finally free from its weight, we strolled around Theed on our way to our family city home.

“It is so nice to be back,” Ben commented, looking around himself, his eyes always alert, even now that his voice was soft and lost in memories. “I missed these places.”

“Do you ever get homesick?” I could not resist to ask.

“Sometimes. I felt very homesick and lonely when I first arrived at the Temple. Given my age, I did not fit in well with the other Padawans, and I had not one with whom I could spend my free time with. So I kept mostly alone, and during those times I thought about you and the rest of the family...but the problem was, the more I thought about you, the worse I felt. Things improved when my relationship with Qui-Gon strengthened and we started to go out of planet on missions.”

“I understand.”

“And you, how do you feel about spending so much time away from Naboo?” He asked, tilting his head to look straight at my eyes.

“Well, I miss it and the family when I am away, but I also like to visit new places. I like to travel and settle questions, and discover other planets’ traditions. The ones unhappy with the situation are Mother and Father. They worried so much during the blockade and could not wait for my terms to be up. They hoped I would leave politics to have a quieter life, but I am not ready to become a wife and a mother like Sola. I believe there is still much I can do for Naboo and the Republic.”

Ben nodded. “I agree with you. I think the Republic needs you... I am glad you chose to serve as Senator. I have the feeling things are going to happen that will change the galaxy in profound ways- what I don’t know for sure is if it will be for the best or the worst.”

I did not answer, for there was no need to. I too knew the wind of change was blowing, and I could only hope it would unleash a tempest on the Republic.

We walked in silence for a few more minutes, then a big smile appeared on Ben’s face as he exclaimed, “Here we are!”

I smiled in reply and rang the bell to alert someone had arrived as I unlocked the door.

Pooja and Ryoo, Sola’s daughters, were the first members of the family welcoming us.

“Aunt Padme! Aunt Padme!” They cried, running toward me, their little arms outstretched.

I knelt down and I embraced them, as Ben looked at us with soft, amused eyes.

“Ryoo, Pooja, I am so happy to see you! How have you been?” I stood up and touched Ben’s arm. “This is Uncle Ben. Ben, this is Ryoo, and this is Pooja.”

“The Uncle Ben?” Ryoo asked, and at my nod, she ran to him, asking with no words to be scooped up in his arms. Once there, she framed Ben’s face with her small hands, told him solemnly “Welcome Uncle Ben”, then kissed him on the cheek and giggled. “You are hairy!”

Ben giggled too, then put her down and sobered as Father, Mother and Sola appeared in the atrium, all of them with a wide, surprised, welcoming smile on their faces.

Since it was already lunch time, we were rushed to the table, and we settled around there with easy familiarity, as if time had never elapsed.

We ate in silence for a while, then Mother said, “It is so good to see you safe, Padmé. We were so worried.”

I gave Mother a dirty look. I did not want to talk about me. I wished for the family to regain part of the lost time with Ben.

Father intercepted my look and murmured, “Dear...”

“I know, I know... but I had to say it. Now it is done.”

After that, the lunch went exactly as I had hoped, with Mother, Father, Sola and the children devoting all their attention to Ben, as I simply observed his interaction with each of them.

He was such a charismatic man! And it was so entertaining to listen to his anecdotes about his life as a Jedi. He chose them carefully, lest Mother start some tirade about the dangerous life he led, but she somehow managed to bring the discussion back to my situation.

“Honey,” she said after Ben had fallen silent after finishing one of his stories. “When are you going to settle down? It is not enough Ben has to live so dangerously? Do you have to do it too? Have you not had enough of that life? I certainly have!”

“Mom, I am not in any danger,” I tried to reassure – and silence- her.

“Is she?” Father asked to Ben.

“Yes, I am afraid she is.”

I threw a dirty look at him and added quickly, “But not much.”

Father did not seem too convinced, but let the matter drop. However I was sure he would ask for more details as soon as he and Ben were alone.

Later in the afternoon I was in the children’s play room, helping Sola tidy it as the little ones napped. Mother and Father had gone out for a walk, while Ben was in the garden meditating. Or so I thought, because when I threw a glance from the window my breath caught in my throat at the sight waiting for me.

Ben was no longer kneeling in the grass as I had left him before joining Sola, but executing a series of physical exercises that seemed like a slow, methodical dance. His face was a mask of concentration as he lowered and straightened, bent and flexed, jumped and flipped.

“These must be the katas he told me about back on the transport,” I mused, but it was the only coherent thought I could formulate, for Ben had taken off his shirt, and his chest was bare to my hungry gaze. Ben was slender, but strong and proportioned, and I devoured the light patch of hair covering his pectorals before narrowing in a thin line that disappeared in the waistband of his trousers.

“So, this is the reason you never took a suitor,” Sola’s voice, so near to me, recalled my attention.

“What?” I stammered, tearing my eyes away from the enchanting view in the garden.

“Why have you not told us you are in love with Ben?”

“Are you mad?” I protested, my voice rising, almost in panic.

Sola ignored my words and tilted her chin to indicate Ben. “You were eating him alive with your eyes.”

“Oh...well...yes, he is handsome and I am fascinated with what he is doing, but...” I babbled before exploding, “For gods’ sake, Sola, he is our brother!”

“No, he is not,” my sister answered. “Father and Mother might have adopted him, but he is not our brother. I looked him at lunch, and I saw a handsome, charismatic man-- a man you love, don’t try to deny it.

“Yes,” I finally admitted, to Sola and myself- for in that moment I had the absolute certainty I was in love with Ben. My sister was right, everything had started many years ago, before Ben left Naboo.

I looked down again in the garden, when Ben was now kneeling in a meditative state. His eyes were closed, his face serene, as he basked in his connection with the Force, as he had explained me on the ship, when I had surprised him doing so in our quarters. Seeing him like this reminded me of how different he was from me, and I murmured. “You are right, Sola, I have loved him since I can remember, but what can I do? He is a Jedi and the Order forbids love and attachment...”

“Maybe, little sister,” answered Sola, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, “but I don’t think Ben is sticking to those rules very much.”

I looked her enquiringly and she smiled. “You should have seen the way he stared at you during lunch when he thought you were not noticing. I can assure you they were not brotherly glances.

It is obvious he has strong feelings for you, and I think Mother and Father noticed too.”

I did not comment, but I thought back to our almost kiss, my mind abuzz with possibilities. So far I had assumed it had been caused by our being a bit drunk, but Sola’s words made me reconsider everything.

Was it possible Ben loved me as I loved him? Was he just attracted to me? And if he indeed he had feelings for me, but was not aware of my own interest, should I make it known or keep it for myself?

In the end I decided not to act, but to wait for his move- if he decided to make it.

Ben had worked so hard and sacrificed so much to become a Jedi, and I did not want to cause him to do something he would regret later.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padm's tale of her changing relationship with a boy her father brought home after a mission on Gala. An AU where ObiWan never completed the Jedi training for he was mindwiped and believed dead after Jedi Apprentice 3

Chapter 5

We arrived at the family lake retreat the next day. A lot of time had passed since I had last visited the place and I had almost forgotten how beautiful it was.

The villa was built very close to a shimmering lake, surrounded by gently sloping hills covered by forests.

It was such a relaxing, enchanting view it made me forget I had gone there to hide. It was easy to pretend I was there on vacation-- the perfect vacation, just me, Ben and a few servants that knew when to make themselves scarce.

It was in this seemingly timeless place, on a terrace opening over the lake, that Ben and I kissed for the first time.

It was late afternoon, and I had gone outdoors to watch as the sun began to set. It was quite a spectacle to see the sun reflected in the clear waters of the lake, before disappearing behind the hills.

I sensed Ben join me near the balustrade and I commented, “Do you remember when we used  
to come here for school retreat? When we used to swim to that island every day?”

“Yes, I remember,” Ben whispered softly.

“We used to lie on the sand and let the sun dry us... and try to guess the names of the birds singing.”  
I smiled self consciously, and added, “Forgive my silly rambling, but this view is simply amazing...is not it?”

“Yes, it is,” Ben murmured throatily, very close to my ear. “The most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

A shiver ran along my spine at the sound of his voice, and I turned around to face him. He was not looking at the landscape, but at me. His eyes were shining with a strange light and my heart started beating faster, almost pounding in my chest.

“Ben?”

“You are beautiful, Padmé,” he said hoarsely, his eyes roaming my features with intent.

My mouth went suddenly dry, and I nervously licked my lips. Ben’s eyes darkened at the sight, and he bent his head. I inched closer until our lips met.

The kiss started very sweet, just a mere brush of lips, but soon escalated to more passionate heights. I felt Ben’s tongue gently press against my lips and I opened my mouth without hesitation, surrendering to his bold exploration, as my hands buried in the hair at his nape, and I pulled him closer to me. I started to reciprocate, and my tongue discovered the texture and the taste of his mouth.

All too soon we had to separate for we needed to breathe and Ben, who had been so bold just moments before, suddenly become hesitant and unsure of himself.

“Padmé,” he said, taking a step back as eyes looked away from me. “Padmé… forgive me, I should not have done it.”

My heart fell. Surely he was aware I had returned his kiss. Surely he had sensed my joy.

“Why?”

“I should have not done it.” He repeated, running a hand through his hair, “I should not have lost my control. I am a Jedi.”

“I see.” I murmured, looking at the lake. “I am just sorry you feel so badly for something that made me so happy.”

“Padmé?” There was surprise in his tone.

I returned to face him. “I kissed you back Ben, I thought you realized it.” He nodded. “I kissed you back for I have dreamed doing it from the first moment I saw you on Coruscant...” I took a deep breath and pressed on, “I love you, Ben.”

Ben’s eyes became bright blue. “You love me? Are you sure?” He asked softly.

“Yes, I am. I think I started loving you when I was still a queen,” I added, baring my soul to him and giving my heart to him-- his to treasure or to shatter. It would have taken just a few words to destroy me...but they never came.

“Oh Padmé!” Ben exclaimed, taking a step forward. He wrapped me into his arms and pulled me against his chest. “My beautiful Padmé,” he said, his mouth against my hair, “you don’t know how I have longed to hear these words from you. I love you too. I have since you were just a teenager, the most beautiful and courageous queen ever seen.”

I could barely believe my ears. Ben had just said he loved me, that he had done so for as long as it had been for me!

“Why did you not say anything?” I asked, by voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

“Because I could not. You were so young Padmé, and I thought you saw me only as a brother…”

“And you? You did not see me as your sister?”

He shook his head and answered softly. “No. Since the my arrival, I considered you and Sola as friends. Two very young friends in the beginning. As time passed, the friendship grew and evolved, until it became love.”

I blinked my eyes, trying to stop my tears as I repeated, “Then why you never told me? I would have understood…”

“Are you sure? I don’t think so. And also, I had nothing to offer you, but half a life.”

“It would have been more than enough for me.”

I took a step back and framed his face with my hands, my fingers gently caressing his beard. His eyes were as clear as the lake beneath us and full of love. I pulled him closer and we shared another kiss, as sweet and passionate as the first one. Then I rested again my head over his chest has Ben held me loosely and listened to the comforting beat of his heart, as his hand caressed my hair.

“What do we do now?” I whispered, conscious of our respective positions.

“We must keep it secret-- no matter how much I dislike the idea. Jedi are not supposed to love and you are too much of a public figure.”

I paled. Ben was right, of course. I was a well-known senator, and I did not wish to see my name making the headlines on some tabloid, that would certainly find a way to discover and twist the truth and make me appear as I was having an incestuous relationship with my real brother. As for his situation, I remembered what I had read about the Jedi. Love was forbidden to them for it led to attachment, and attachment led to jealousy and anger, two negative emotions leading to the Dark Side, whatever it was.

I felt tears rise to my eyes. “I am causing you to break your vows to the Order.”

“What? No, no, you are not causing me to do nothing.” It was Ben’s turn to cradle my face and raise it so he could look at my eyes. “I told you I have loved you for a long time. When I decided to join the Order again, it was not just because I felt the need to learn how to understand the Force and do its will. It was also because the Jedi are taught how to control their emotions and I hoped – forgive me if I am blunt – to get rid of the feelings I had for you, feelings I thought very inappropriate. But,” and Ben smiled that wonderful smile of his, “it did not work-- luckily, I might now add. I have learned to control all my emotions except for my love for you, which has even grown in these years of separation...you don’t know what a torture it was to watch your messages and not be able to be near you...”

“You are wrong, Ben. I know, all too well, for it was the same for me, even if I had not yet acknowledged my feelings for you.”

We exchanged another kiss, and Ben concluded his speech. “So my love, you are not forcing me to betray my vows to the Jedi Order for, if it is really so, I have not been faithful to them from the beginning. Sometimes I have felt guilty because of it, but most of the time I am not, for I have come to accept my love for you as a part of what I am-- and always will be. In truth I think my love for you has made me a better Jedi, even if I am sure the Council would not agree.”

“Oh Ben!” I threw my arms around his neck, hugging him with all my strength, “this is the most beautiful thing you could have ever told me. I am so honoured, so proud to be loved by you.”

“As I am to be loved by you.”

We fell silent, resting close to each other, bodies and hearts, as the peaceful atmosphere enveloped us.

The sun was already setting, but for us it had just begun.

§

In the following days, we had no chance to explore our love. We had just a few hours of bliss, before the harsh reality intruded.

We spent the evening after our declarations of love, cuddling on the carpet in front of the fireplace, kissing, caressing, talking about our future and sharing sweet nonsense. It was a joy to see serious Ben so carefree and so at ease with me and himself, and when that night I fell asleep, it was with a smile on my lips already savouring the long hike in the woods and the swim to the island Ben and I had planned for the next day.

It was not to be.

We had just finished eating breakfast when we received a message from Qui-Gon. He had ended up on Geonosis chasing a bounty hunter called Jango Fett, the one who had tried to kill me and who worked for Nute Gunray, the Trade Federation Viceroy. Qui-Gon had also discovered a Separatist base there, and had sent us the message asking us to transmit it to the Jedi Council for he was too far away from Coruscant. The hologram was brusquely interrupted with image of Qui-Gon igniting his lightsabre to deflect some blaster bolts.

We transmitted the message to Coruscant, and Master Windu ordered Ben to stay where he was, for his priority was to protect me.

Ben fell silent afterward, frowning. I knew he was struggling between his desire to help his former master and his duty to the Council, so I decided to unburden him from the need of making a painful choice.

“I am going to go Geonosis to help Qui-Gon,” I declared, “and since Master Windu gave you strict orders to protect me, you will have to come along.”

Ben smiled and winked to me. “You are very cunning, Senator Amidala.”

We took a small diplomatic ship and travelled to Geonosis, but our rescue plan did not work well: we were intercepted and captured by Count Dooku, and when we refused to side with him, we were sentenced to death, to Nute Gunray’s great joy.

We were taken into an arena and chained to tall columns. Qui-Gon was already there, he too destined to be torn to pieces by the three wild beasts they unleashed against us.

However, despite our grim situation we were able to escape with nothing more than some scratches, thanks to the providential arrival of Master Windu and several other Jedi first, and the Clone Army led by Master Yoda later. This army had been discovered by Qui-Gon on Kamino, apparently commissioned by a deceased Jedi master for the Republic, and it turned out to be very useful on Geonosis.

In the end the day ended better than we had predicted when we had been led inside the arena, but still we paid a great price for our victory. Jango Fett was killed and several Separatist ships were destroyed, but many a Jedi lost their lives, and Ben and Qui-Gon were wounded during a duel with Count Dooku-- who managed to escape.

Luckily Ben’s wounds, of one arm and one leg, were not too serious – as were Qui-Gon’s – and he was ordered to take me back to Naboo and to spend some time there as he recovered.

It was on that ship directed to Naboo that Ben asked me to marry him.

We had just dined, when he stood up from his chair, circled the table and went down on his knee in front of me.

“What...” I began when he took hold of my hands, but he silenced me.

“Shhh...let me talk.”

I nodded and Ben said, looking at my eyes and wearing his heart on his sleeve. “My dearest Padmé, the recent events have reminded me how precarious and brief life can be, and I don’t wish to waste it. Will you marry me, Padmé? Will you allow me to love and protect you? Will you concede me the honour of becoming your husband, knowing we won’t be able to spend much time together, that I might be sent away for months, and that we will have to keep our marriage secret? Will you become my wife?”

I had wanted to shout “Yes” from the first moment I had realized what was happening and when he finally fell silent, staring at me in expectation, all I could do was to slide down my chair so I was kneeling in front of him as I repeat, “Yes, yes, yes...” before embracing him.

We both burst into laughter, then we cried, and kissed and caressed, before sitting together on the floor, snuggled in each other arms, and began making plans about our wedding.

§

We married on Naboo, on the same terrace where we had first kissed and declared our love for each other. The roses were blooming and their sweet scent surrounded us as we took our vows in front of our family and my handmaidens.

Mother and Father had been shocked when we had given them the news, for they still saw my husband-to-be as the boy they had considered like a son for years. It was Sola who helped them to see that, while Ben was still the boy they had brought up, he was also Obi-Wan Kenobi, a Jedi Knight that had no ties with our family.

The ceremony was simple and meaningful, and I married in the same white dress my mother had used, while Ben donned his complete Jedi attire. Tears of joy sprang from my eyes when the official introduced us to the participants as Mrs and Mr Obi-Wan Kenobi, and we kissed as husband and wife for the first time.

Afterward we had a small banquet, then the family returned to Theed and we were finally left alone.

I was nervous and excited when Ben swept me in his arms and took me into the bedroom we had chosen as ours.

It was my first time, and even if I desperately wanted to become one with my husband, I could not help but be slightly anxious. Would it hurt? Would I enjoy it? Would I be able to satisfy him?

It turned out I had no reasons to feel so, for that night was more beautiful than I could dream.

Once we were inside the bedchamber, and the door was bolted behind our backs, we looked at each other with nervousness, until I turned to Ben and asked with a smile, “Now what?”

My query broke the tension that had fallen over us and Ben stepped nearer to me, gathering me in a gentle embrace.

“We will start with the basics. It will help to refresh my memory.... It has been so long for me...” he winked to me before kissing my neck, cheeks, eyelids and finally my mouth. We kissed, first with tenderness, then with rapidly escalating passion. I grabbed his head to deepen the contact, pressing my pelvis against his body, as the fire in my veins threatened to burn me.

Then, in a sudden move that took my breath away, Ben bent down and swept me in his arms, carrying me to the bed and posing me in its centre. “We will be more comfortable here.”

I nodded and knelt on the mattress, kicking away my shoes as Ben sat in front of me. Slowly, languidly, his hands rose to caress me through the light fabric of my dress. I could see sweat pearls on his brow and I idly wondered about the extent of his self-control. The caresses continued for a long time, as Ben’s hands and fingers became bolder, brushing the dress away to sneak beneath it.

When he cupped my breasts, toying with my hard nipples, I let out a loud moan, causing Ben to smile with satisfaction, “That feels good, does not it?”

I was barely able to nod, my nerves singing with pleasure.

“But that dress is getting in the way...let’s remove it.”

Again I replied with just a nod, turning around so he could unzip the cloth and then assisting as he slid the white fabric down my body. And then I was naked in front of Ben for the first time, but I felt no shame, no embarrassment, because it felt natural, right.

“You are beautiful,” he murmured in a voice thick with desire, loving me with his gaze.

I smiled at his compliment and reclined back on the pillows. “Come to me,” I whispered, watching with half closed eyes as he undressed in front of me. First came off his brown tabard, then his boots, tunic and trousers, and finally his underwear. The beauty of his hard, male body slammed against my senses. Of course, it was not the first time I had seen a naked man – the Holovid movies and the magazines are often full of nudity- but nothing had prepared me for the sight of my husband’s aroused manhood. It stretched long and thick, pointing yearningly at me. My curious, untrained hand rose to touch him, and I was surprised by the heat I found there, and by the feel of it, like silk over marble. Ben groaned with need and wrapping his hand around mine, taught me how to touch him in a way that gave him pleasure. I watched in wonder and delight as he closed his eyes and began to rock his hips, faster and faster until he suddenly stopped and removed my hand as if it was burning. I looked at him with confused eyes, “What’s wrong?” I asked, worried.

Ben did not answer at once, but after some deep breaths murmured. “I told you it has been a long time for me- more than ten years – and I don’t want to spend myself in your lovely hands, my love. Not tonight.”

He smiled at me, and lay at my side, resuming his caresses and kisses. His hand rose to caress my silky curly hair before trailing down my body, coming to rest on my breast. He began to massage me as he had done before, twisting the sensitive nipple between thumb and forefinger, causing me to gasp and moan, as a fiery burning began lower in my belly. Pleased with my response, Ben continued to explore my flesh with his mouth and hands, causing me to moan louder and to writhe under him, as my hands moved restlessly on his back, caressing his muscles and raking his skin with my fingernails. He too seemed to enjoy my ministrations because a deep moan escaped his lips when I arched my back to press myself against his straining erection. Then he moved down along my body, trailing a damp path of kisses on my flanks and stomach, until he reached the damp triangle of hair at the apex of my thighs. My first reaction was to clamp them shut, but Ben flashed me a reassuring smile and I relaxed, letting him gently ease my legs apart, his fingers slipping between them to caress me intimately. He teased my soaking slit for a while, before he inserted his index finger in me, gently moving it in a circular way, caressing and stretching me, as he murmured soothingly, as I experienced unknown sensations.

I felt as if my whole body was struck by lightning and my hips bucked as pleasure crushed me. I idly thought there could not exist a more wonderful sensation, but all coherent reasoning left me as Ben lowered his head and his soft lips and his demanding tongue joined his fingers. I stopped thinking and let my instinct take over, imprisoning his head between my thighs, feeling my body grow tighter and tighter with tension until it finally broke and I was swept away by a wave of unbelievable pleasure. I cried aloud, calling Ben’s name, my joy echoing in the room and then slumped on the mattress, totally drained, my eyes closed as I tried to regain my breath. When I opened them again, I met Ben’s blue-grey irises. He was hovering over me, staring at me with undisguised love and tenderness.

“How was it?” he whispered.

I licked my lips, trying to find the words to express my feelings, but failed to do so. Thus I embraced him tightly, whispering a ‘Thank you’ in his ear. It was then I felt the prominence of his throbbing desire trapped between us and a new wave of lust ran along my spine. “Now it is your turn,” I murmured, my hand sneaking down to caress him.

“Yes...” Ben moaned, having reached the end of his endurance. He rolled onto his back and murmured, “Come here, it should be easier for you this way.”

I nodded and, scrambling to my knees, I let instinct guide me, sliding a leg across his belly, until I was set above him. Ben took hold of my hips with his hands, but did not try to lower me, letting me move at my own pace, flashing me an encouraging smile. I took a deep breath, and then began to lower myself onto him. As the tip of his phallus entered me, I felt a bout of panic cross my mind. He was so big, how could it be possible for me to take him in? My fear must have shown on my face because Ben’s hand left my hip to caress my cheek. “You are doing beautifully, my love... soon the discomfort will end and you will feel only pleasure...” he whispered, using the Force to send calming thoughts to my mind. I nodded at him, and biting my lower lip I willed my muscles to relax and took the decisive step. A fiery pain gripped me, leaving me breathless, but it disappeared as suddenly as it had begun, leaving behind only a strange, but pleasurable sensation of fullness.  
“Now what?” I asked again when I got used to it, looking down at Ben with a grin.

He returned my smile and then he began to move under me, arching his back at the same time his arms, which had taken control of my body, lowered me on him. Soon I learned how to move with him and the incredible pleasure I had felt before returned, stronger and sweeter. I abandoned my body to it, barely aware Ben had rolled us over and was now pounding in me with all his strength, harder and faster, until his movements stilled and I felt the warmth of his seed flood my womb. That was the last conscious sensation before my climax took me and made me fly without wings.

When I regained my awareness, I was wrapped in Ben’s arms, my head on his chest, his heartbeat and whispered words of love lulling me to sleep. I had barely the time to raise my head, give him a soft kiss and a murmured ‘I love you’ before sleep claimed me and left for the land of dreams, where, I was sure, Ben would be there to meet me.

The following days were among the happiest of my life.

Ben and I spent all our time together, swimming in the lake, hiking in the wood covered hills, talking, playing and making love every time and in every place desire caught us.

Ben showed me time and again to be a passionate, hungry but caring and tender lover, and the time spent in his arms was always magical. He always left me tired, sated and so full of love and gratitude this wonderful man was mine.

We spent time coming to know each other, from our sleeping habits to how warm we liked the water of our baths...simple things, I agree, but they are the ones that cement the life of a married couple.

We took full advantage of our isolation to be completely open with each other and demonstrative of our feelings, for we were aware things would have to be different once we returned on Coruscant, and we did not know how much time could pass before we could spend several weeks together.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padm's tale of her changing relationship with a boy her father brought home after a mission on Gala. An AU where ObiWan never completed the Jedi training for he was mindwiped and believed dead after Jedi Apprentice 3

Chapter 6

All too soon Ben’s medical leave ended and he was summoned back to Coruscant, and I left with him, to take back my place in the Senate.

During my absence, the Separatists had increased their hostilities and the Senate had reacted by giving more powers to Palpatine, whose first act had been to institute a Republic Army, composed by the clones discovered by Qui-Gon.

The Jedi knights more gifted in strategy, combat and diplomatic skill were selected to command the clone troops, and it was with a mix of pride, sadness and worry I received the news Ben had been chosen to became a general of the Republic.

Our farewell in my apartment was a sad occasion.

I had promised to myself I would not cry – at least not in front of Ben – for I did not wish to add more pain to the sorrow he was already feeling, but it was only through sheer will I managed not to break.

We had always known our marriage would involve several separations, and I thought I had been prepared, but when the moment actually came, I discovered I was not.

I cried myself to sleep that night, alone in a too large bed, unable to find a comfortable position, having become accustomed to falling asleep in Ben’s arms.

My last thought, when mental and physical exhaustion claimed me was for my husband.  
“I love you Ben...Be safe and return to me soon. I miss you so much.”

§§§§§

The following three years were very hard for us, but especially for Ben, for while I spent almost all my time on Coruscant working in several committees, my husband was sent on missions on planets I did not know even existed.

One of the reasons Ben was so busy was due to his strategy and negotiating skills, so much he was soon nicknamed “The Negotiator” by the press.

As for myself, I was proud of his success on bringing several systems back in the Republic without using violence, and tried to find comfort in knowing he was doing his duty as I did mine.

Sometimes it helped, but most of the times it did not, and I spent several nights awake, lonely and worried.

We managed to spend some time together whenever and wherever it was possible, and our reunions were always filled with love and passion, and it was not uncommon for us to spend the entire length of Ben’s leave in bed.

When we were together we tried not to talk about the political scene or the war, but sometimes it was impossible to avoid the topic.

I remembered one conversation in particular. We had been cuddling in bed in an hotel on Ansion and Ben was idly caressing my hair as I rested with my head on his chest. My husband had been quiet, more than his usual, and I felt prompted to ask him if he was all right.

“Yes-- I am just tired. Tired of this war and this endless killing and destruction. Jedi are guardians of peace, not soldiers, and all this hate and anger and evil around us is making it hard to resist...” His voice died.

“Resist what?” I encouraged him, raising my head to look at his face. His eyes had been closed, but he opened them to stare at me sadly.

“Resist the pull of the Dark Side. There are so many negative emotions around us, and sometimes, after you have witnessed some atrocity performed against innocent people it is difficult not to feel anger or desire of revenge.”

“They are natural emotions, I think,” I commented.

“Yes, they are, but a Jedi cannot give in to them for they lead straight to the Dark Side, and once you have turned, there is no way back. However,” Ben smiled at me, “I am luckier than the other Jedi. I have not just my training on my side to help me to resist the pull of Darkness, but also you, my dearest. You are my anchor to the Light, for I would never do anything that could even remotely endanger our love.”

“Oh, Ben...” My eyes blurred with tears and a lump formed in my throat. I slid up his body so to be able to kiss him and soon we were making love, the war completely forgotten, if only for a while.

Ben was made a Master and became a member of the Council about a year and a half after our marriage.

I cannot say I was too surprised because his skills and dedication to the Order were well known, and I heard him praised by the most different people, but the fact remained that no other Jedi had been asked to sit in the Council only three years after becoming a knight.

What was surprising instead, was the fact some members of the Council- Master Yoda, Master Windu and Qui-Gon- knew Ben and I were married...and actually approved of it!

When Ben told me they knew about our marriage, I felt blood leave my face and dreaded to hear what he would say next, certain he would be punished severely. My colour returned when he revealed to me that the masters approved of his choice and did not intend to take any action against us, but my heart fell again when Ben explained me why they were so keen to accept his violation of the Code.

It turned out that Ben was thought to be the “Chosen One” announced by an ancient Jedi prophecy – the One who will bring balance to the Force-- and in that prophecy was also written that the Chosen One would be anchored to the Light by his love for the other half of his soul. His wife.

The words written in the ancient text were so similar to the ones used by Ben months before that they caused a shiver to run along my back.

Ben did not react with joy or pride at Master Yoda and Master Windu’s revelations, and I understood him perfectly.

My gentle, modest, humble husband burdened with the duty of having an entire galaxy depending by him!

He said it was not yet clear what he would have to do to bring balance to the Force, but he suspected it had to do with the resurrection of the Sith.

“I am now convinced it was not a case of them reappearing just as Qui-Gon found me again,” Ben commented, a frown marring his forehead. “And since Darkness had been spreading in the galaxy for the past ten years, I believe my task will be to kill the Sith...and I will have to be ready for them, for I won’t have the luxury to fail.”

“You won’t fail,” I whispered to him, as I stood up and circled the chair he was sitting on to massage his tense shoulders. “Remember what you did on Naboo? You killed that Sith without any training in the Force.”

Ben nodded, then sighed. “Well, now I know why they have bent the Code to have me join again despite my late age. They knew what the future had in store for me.”

“Are you regretting your choice to return?” I asked and my hands stilled. My heart would break for him had he answered positively.

“No,” Ben shook his head, and his words sounded strong and sure. “Never. I love being a Jedi, it is part of what I am. It is my duty but also my joy. I was destined to it...and to you, if we give credit to the prophecy.”

He turned his head around to look at me and I could see a laugh dance in his eyes. I let go of his shoulders and went to sit on his lap, treading my fingers in his hair in a way I knew he found pleasurable. He kept his hair short on the back, longer on the top and some silver strands had appeared near his temples, due more to the war and the tension it caused than to his age.

I kissed those grey patches before embracing him, and prayed the damned war and now this prophecy wouldn’t make him age too much and too early, not only in body, but more importantly in his mind and heart.

§§§§§

And thus we arrive to the events of the last months-- the events that could have consigned the galaxy in the pawns of Darkness, but instead marked the end of the war, the extinction of the Sith and the beginning of a new era for the Republic and the Jedi Order.

During this time span the Separatist leaders had been captured or killed, but it would have been in vain if the Jedi had not discovered that Chancellor Palpatine had been the mind that had orchestrated and planned everything to seize power for himself and – probably – transform the Republic into an empire. His empire.

For many years Palpatine’s powers had been increased due to the threats posed to the integrity of the Republic. The whole Senate had agreed a strong leader with more decisional power was needed, but the congress had not known Palpatine had been the hand behind the dangerous situations that had pressed it to give more powers to the Supreme Chancellor. Our freedom of action had gradually been reduced as Palpatine claimed more and more executive powers for himself, and only a few voices now and then had dared to protest- without being listened.

Palpatine – or should I call him with by his Sith name, Darth Sidious? – had managed to keep his office well over the end of the terms sanctioned by law and only the Jedi had found this suspicious.

They had begun to keep a close eye on Palpatine, questioning some of his decisions and actions, and finally had decided to act against the man before he truly become a tyrant.

After the last Separatist military leader – General Grievous– had been killed by Qui-Gon on Utapau, thus putting an end to the war, a group of Jedi Masters, Ben among them, had gone to the Chancellor’s office to give him an ultimatum: he could willingly renounce his special powers and resign from his office, or he would be removed by force.

Palpatine did not obey and called the Jedi traitors, then he attacked them with a red lightsabre, thus confirming what the Council had been suspecting for a while: he was the Sith Lord they had been seeking for many years. He had been cunning, clever and subtle, having others do the dirty job for him as he kept hidden and quietly drew his web of deception.

I don’t know exactly what happened after Palpatine attacked the Jedi, for Ben has refused to give me many details, but I know two of the four masters were killed, while Mace Windu lost an arm, before Ben was able to fulfil his role of Chosen One. He killed Palpatine, destroying the Sith once for all-- he had already eliminated Sidious’ apprentice, Count Dooku, on a previous occasion.

Shortly afterward Ben summoned me into the chancellor’s office, and explained to me what had happened, and asked me to help him arrange an urgent meeting of the Senate, for the Congress would be called to face a serious crisis.

We did so and just six hours after Palpatine’s death, the Senate was in session to examine the proof the Jedi had gathered about the late chancellor’s doing. It was proved beyond any doubt Palpatine and Lord Sidious had been the same person and that under this identity he had convinced the Trade Federation to start the blockade around Naboo, had created the Separatist party and had given orders to Count Dooku and General Grievous.

The Senate decreed Palpatine had been a traitor and the Jedi Council was voted to rule the Republic ad interim, while the Congress worked to rewrite the constitution to avoid something like this happening again.

In the end it was decided to replace the Supreme Chancellor with two Supreme Consuls and new elections were held.

The Senate elected Bail Organa of Alderaan and myself to be the first two Supreme Consuls of the Republic, and we will hold the office for five years.

It happened one month ago, and in the beginning I did not want to accept. After all, it had been my vote of no confidence in Chancellor Valorum's leadership that had opened the way to Palpatine’s rise to power. I felt guilty for having caused, even if indirectly, the death of so many people, but Ben has managed to ease my concerns and convinced me to accept the office.

He said I had been just a pawn on Palpatine’s chessboard and that, had not I favoured him, he would have found another way to seize the power. My husband also told me I was thinking too much about the “buts” and “maybes”, instead of concentrating on the present and the future. Ben is convinced Bail and I will be a great guide for the Republic, and now I am beginning to think the same.

What I know for sure is that, no matter what happens, I will never have to carry my burdens alone, for Ben will be always at my side.

Ben.

Brother.  
Friend.  
Lover.  
Husband.  
Guardian.  
Protector.  
Advisor.

He had been all of these and much more for me.

I hope one day I will be able to shout to the entire Republic Ben is my husband and to be free to walk among the crowd at his side, his arm surrounding the small of my back.

With a bit of luck this day will come soon, for Ben is trying to convince the other Council members to allow attachment to the Jedi. Qui-Gon is, of course, on his side but he will have to work hard to convince the other masters. But whatever the outcome, the only thing that matters to me is that now Ben and I are finally able to spend time together-- a lot of it.

How?

Did not I tell you?

Oh sorry, I have been quite distracted these days.

Well, it seems the Jedi Council was concerned about my safety, given my track record of failed life-attempts, so they had decided to give me an escort.

And since I am a Supreme Consul of the Republic, the Council has decided to send one of its most important members to guard over me at night.

Every night.

And sometimes, when he is not working or teaching at the Temple, even during the day.

His name?

Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Jedi Master. Council Member. General of the Republic. Sith Killer. Chosen One.

My one and only love.

Ben.

The End


End file.
